Sometimes the things that work the best are the things from a simpler earlier time. My mom had a cd when I was about 13 and thought I was going through really tough stuff. (Rachel Krampe, my best friend, had a boyfriend but I didn't...or some trivial thing that passes as tragedy in the teenage world) There was a song called "Walk On". And three ladies who sounded like they were having a kick butt time sang very close harmony on this rock-style (for my mom any way) song with lyrics about getting up, dusting yourself off and limping on.
I'm not going through any particular trouble at the moment. In fact my family experienced a miracle Easter weekend with our puppy and a life threatening situation.. As I write this I sit in a very comfortable home, curled up next to a Mastiff pup who loves me while my best friend and husband works at his spacious office downstairs with the older dog. We had an awesome dinner and actually cooked it together. We had great conversation and today at work was pretty okay. Yesterday I sang at the baptisim of my best friend's child, a high light of my singing career since it meant so much to both of us. Life is pretty darn decent.
But I've reached a point in certain aspects of my life where I just can't go on with things the way they are. I need to change my life. I need to change the way that I handle things, the way I react and I just want to live fuller. Diane Ackerman once said,
I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I have just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well."
If I don't change some things physically the length of my life isn't going to be well...lengthy and forget about the width part. There are so many things I feel limited in or have limited myself in. I just want to live fuller. Not necessarily in a sky diving sort of way but more in an at peace with myself and others sort of way, which for me is more terrifying. Can I really wrestle control of myself away from my own apathy and laziness? Gosh, I sure hope so. Time to put on my big girl panties and deal with me!
Walk On - excerpt
You can take your words made of psycho-babble.
I don't need no shrink to see my life's unraveled.
Pay you a mountain of gold to candy coat me lies.
I'm at the end of my rope, time I realize
That when the going gets tough and the tough are long gone, just
Walk on, walk on, walk on, walk on. Who-oh!